Relationships according to Proverbs

Introduction

Well Good Morning.

Let’s commit this time in prayer.

Father, we want to bring honour to you. We want your name to be known in all the nations and for all people to bring praise to you. Lord, we are dependent on you. We ask that you open our minds and our hearts. Lord, let us leave the baggage of day-to-day life at the door and cause us to come eagerly to your Word, expecting to grow closer to Your will. We ask this in Your son’s precious name. Amen.

Well this morning we continue on in our series from Proverbs. And this morning I want to put a little context around the book before we dive in.

The Book of Proverbs is a collection of wise sayings. For the most part these sayings were recorded by the world’s wisest man, King Solomon. We can read about King Solomon in 2 Samuel and 1 Kings.

Solomon was the third King of Israel after King Saul and King David. He reigned over Israel from 971 to 931 BC, about 40 years.

In 1 King 3 we see Solomon being offered the offer of a lifetime. God appeared to Solomon in a dream and offered him anything. Solomon asked for an understanding mind or what I guess we call wisdom. And God granted him this in such a way that he was the wisest man ever to live (except for Jesus of course). People came from far away to get Solomon to decide things. We read that even royalty would come to his presence to learn.

Well one thing Solomon did, being so wise, is that he wrote down his glimpses of wisdom. The first 25 odd chapters of Proverbs appear to be general wise sayings that were about in those days. The remaining chapters, with the exception of the last two chapters, are the sayings of Solomon.

Another bit of context information that is important is that most of Proverbs is written in a poetic manner. This is why in your bibles you will see the text in little chunks, rather than our normal English sentences and paragraphs. In many cases you will see two sentences chunked together. This is called parallelism or intensification. What this simply means it that the first bit of the chunk is related in some way to the second bit of the chunk. One bit will add some meaning to the other. Generally it does this by comparing or contrasting one bit to the other bit. I won’t try to explain this fully as in the words of Bro Town… “I may be some time”. If you are interested I have a really simple one pager on it.

So now we have a bit of context, let’s jump into our topic this morning… Relationships! Or more precisely, what can we learn from the Book of Proverbs about relationships.

The Book of Proverbs is a practical guide. It takes deep truths and makes them understandable in our daily living context.

In terms of relationships, Proverbs divides our relationships into three areas.

1. Our relationship to God
2. Our relationship to our family
3. Our relationship to others

Today we are going to skim through each of these areas, stopping briefly to focus on a couple of points.



Our relationship to God

Solomon kicks off Proverbs with the most profound statement that really sets the scene for the whole book.

Proverbs 1:7 (NLT)
Fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge. Only fools despise wisdom and discipline.

This concept, this idea is the cornerstone of Proverbs and indeed should be the cornerstone of our lives. The concept is repeated another 17 times in the Book of Proverbs. It is really really important.

Solomon is saying if we do not have a relationship to God then we are fools. No matter what wisdom we build up, it won’t have a foundation of truth. Without a good foundation wisdom is no use because we will be prone to swapping our “wisdom” as we are swept around by the waves of life.

Where does the wise person build their house??? On the rock which is the Lord.

The proverb also describes the relationship. We should be in fear of the Lord. This has a bit of a different meaning to what we immediately think of when we hear the word fear. What it really means is more a cross between fear, awe and reverence.

In the Old Testament we see the people of Israel cower in fear when the Lord made His presence felt. Even Moses could not look at God’s glory directly. We are now under the covering of Jesus’ sacrifice but we need to remember that while this sorts out our sin issue, who God is has not changed.

Look at the disciples. Jesus wasn’t their “bud”. They shared good times. They laughed together like friends. But there was a reverence, a knowledge that Jesus was their Lord.
So wisdom starts with a right relationship with God.

There are four key verses that describe the outworking of how we are to relate to God.

Proverbs 3:5 (NLT)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.

Trust everything to God. Do not follow your own biases. This means trust God when He says that through Jesus you are made right with Him. Trust God when He says He loves you. Trust God when He says He wants what is best for you. Trust God when He says there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do to make Him love you less.

Proverbs 3:9 (NLT)
Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything your land produces.

God should have first call on our lives. This is our natural response to trusting God’s promises. This means giving our dreams and aspirations, our time, our money… our everything. This does not mean make sure you give God 10% of your salary. I think money is the least valuable thing to God. He wants your goals, your dreams, your motives, your desires, your heart, your attitude, your thoughts… your very soul. This is scary stuff! Are you prepared to release everything, absolutely everything you have been given to bring honour to God? I struggle with this one.

Proverbs 3:11 (NLT)
My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you.

The word discipline is such a loaded word now days. What this means is God will correct us when we go off track. This is a good thing because it shows He cares. We are to listen and learn from those corrections.

Proverbs 3:25-26 (NLT)
You need not be afraid of disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.

God protects us. And seriously… I would prefer that God was protecting me than anyone else. This does not mean we won’t go through hard times. What it does mean is that God will not expect us to handle anything that He hasn’t developed us to handle.

One of my Aunties had leukaemia. She went through chemotherapy but eventually the cancer was too strong. Over the months that she took to die she was quite peaceful. Her family really struggled but she seemed to be ok with it. God gave her an understanding, a sense of security, enough to deal with the path she was travelling.

So the key lesson Proverbs has for us about our relationship to God is quite simple. We are to recognise with reverence, with fear, with awe who God is. This lead us to trust, to honour, to be encouraged when corrected and to be secure in God.



Our relationship with our families

There are a number of relationships under the title… families. Proverbs seems to split these up three ways.

First up we have the parent-child relationship from the perspective of the child. This is where we all start.

Then we have the spouse relationship. This can be seen as the girlfriend/boyfriend relationship as well; as such relationships are a prelude to a spousal relationship.

Finally we have the parent-child relationship again, this time from the perspective of the parent.

Let’s check out some verses…

Proverbs 3:12 (NLT)
For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child* in whom he delights.

Proverbs 4:1-3 (NLT)
My children,* listen to me. Listen to your father's instruction. Pay attention and grow wise, for I am giving you good guidance. Don't turn away from my teaching. For I, too, was once my father's son, tenderly loved by my mother as an only child.

Proverbs 5:15 (NLT)
Drink water from your own well-share your love only with your wife.*

Proverbs 7:4 (NLT)
Love wisdom like a sister; make insight a beloved member of your family.

Proverbs 13:24 (NLT)
If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.

Throughout Proverbs there is an underlying theme of love in these relationships. Family relationships need to be based on love for these relationships to function properly. Things like disciplining or correcting needs to be done in a loving way or it becomes destructive to the relationships.

I think this is common sense. Love is the centre of all family relationships.

I do want to make a stop on one of the family relationships that I feel is not discussed enough. This is the parent-child relationship from the perspective of the child. As a child, how are we to relate to our parents?

Some verses…

Proverbs 30:17 (NLT)
The eye that mocks a father and despises a mother will be plucked out by ravens of the valley and eaten by vultures.

Proverbs 23:22-25 (NLT)
Listen to your father, who gave you life, and don't despise your mother's experience when she is old. Get the truth and don't ever sell it; also get wisdom, discipline, and discernment. The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure it is to have wise children.* So give your parents joy! May she who gave you birth be happy.

Proverbs 19:26 (NLT)
Children who mistreat their father or chase away their mother are a public disgrace and an embarrassment.

Proverbs 20:20 (NLT)
If you curse your father or mother, the lamp of your life will be snuffed out.

Proverbs 17:21 (NLT)
It is painful to be the parent of a fool; there is no joy for the father of a rebel.


God is very explicit that we are to listen to our parents. We are to treat them well with the love and respect due to those who brought us into this world and were charged with caring for us when we were not able to do so for ourselves. We are not to bring shame on them.

In practical terms I would suggest this means that, short of being told to sin, if you live under their roof or are dependent on your parents then you are to do as they say. You do this because you love, or at the very least, respect your parents. If they are instructing you to sin then you should bring that to the elders as your spiritual parents and seek their counsel.

If you are no longer dependent on your parents then you are still to respect them. This means listening to what they have to say and treating it seriously. You may not agree with them and ultimately you may choose a different path than what they suggest but you are to treat what they say with an extra measure of respect and authority. And if you decide to choose a different path than what they suggest, you are to do that in a respectful way, not rubbing it in their faces.

This can be really difficult. Sometimes you may feel your parents do not love or respect you. What they do or demand may not be fair. In some cases they may not have fulfilled their role as a parent at all well. Your parents may not be believers and you are. There are a thousand and one reasons.

It does not matter. God calls you to respect your parents, no ifs, buts or maybes.

I would like to suggest that this approach applies not just to the young people here. It applies to you who are parents. Even if your parents have past away, it applies. If you set an example by using disrespectful talk about your parents, I’ll give you one guess how your children will talk about or relate to you!!!


So show love in all aspects of your family relationships. And particularly, show respect to your parents.


Our relationship with others

There are three different “others” that are addressed in the Book of Proverbs:

• Friends
• Neighbours
• Enemies

Let’s check out some verses.

Firstly about friends.

Proverbs 27:9 (NLT)
The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.

Proverbs 27:10 (NLT)
Never abandon a friend…

Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)
As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend.

Proverbs 18:24 (NLT)
There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Friends are loyal. Friends are close. Friends are involved in each others lives. Friends are part of the process by which God grows you, refines you, draws you to Him.

There is a bit of a contrast between friends and those who are referred to as neighbours.

Proverbs 25:17 (NLT)
Don't visit your neighbors too often, or you will wear out your welcome.

The distinction between friends and neighbours is around the closeness.

Friends enjoy being in each other’s company. There is a desire to spend time with you as their friend. On the other hand, Proverbs says that neighbours tolerate your company but eventually it becomes tiresome.

So how we to relate to our neighbours?

Well Proverbs suggests that we are to be helpful and honest and to do our best by them.

Proverbs 3:27-30 (NLT)
Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it's in your power to help them. If you can help your neighbor now, don't say, "Come back tomorrow, and then I'll help you."
Do not plot against your neighbors, for they trust you. Don't make accusations against someone who hasn't wronged you.

This is pretty straightforward. And I guess from a practical standpoint, we need to remember that all of our friends, even our spouses, start out as neighbours.

So what about our enemies? Those people who cause us harm. Those people who do wicked.

Proverbs 16:7 (NLT)
When the ways of people please the Lord, he makes even their enemies live at peace with them.

Proverbs 24:17 (NLT)
Do not rejoice when your enemies fall into trouble. Don't be happy when they stumble.

Proverbs 25:21 (NLT)
If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them water to drink.

What’s surprising here is that in many ways these verses parallel how we are to relate to our neighbours.

We are to be helpful, merciful. We’re not to kick them when they are down. We are essentially to treat them the same as our neighbours.

For me there is a theme that runs through friends, neighbours and enemies. A theme of giving, of meeting the needs of others that God has empowered us to meet. In most cases this will be giving of ourselves in some way.

For our neighbours and enemies, we are to endeavour to give into their practical needs. For our friends it is this AND also giving into the needs of their souls.

This is pretty challenging for me. Some people who I thought of as friends seem to be more like neighbours. It is interesting to take stock of who our friends really are.

I want to take one last detour. As my homegroup, TNT, studied Proverbs earlier this year. A couple of issues stood out for me.

Proverbs 26:18-19 (NLT)
Just as damaging as a mad man shooting a lethal weapon is someone who lies to a friend and then says, "I was only joking."

How many of us have said something to a mate, waited for a reaction and then said, “Just joking!!!”? I am a bit of a mad man.

What about…

Proverbs 19:29 (NLT)
Mockers will be punished, and the backs of fools will be beaten.

Proverbs 22:10 (NLT)
Throw out the mocker, and fighting, quarrels, and insults will disappear.

Last week Steve talked about words. I think that we have to be mindful of the way we joke around. Much of our joking around is based either around saying something to cause our friends unease or to put our friends down, to mock.

Our words are powerful and can build our friends up or tear them down. And a friend can do this with far greater effect than our neighbours or enemies. We need to be careful with our words particularly when it comes to friends.


Bringing it together

Proverbs has a lot to say about relationships. There are probably a dozen relationship sermons you could do based entirely on Proverbs. I think the reason why Proverbs says so much about relationships is Solomon recognised their importance. As humans we are created to have relationships, firstly with God, secondly within families and lastly with others.

Unfortunately Solomon was not a very good example for us to follow when it comes to relationships. He had great wisdom but in many cases he chose not to follow his own advice.

We most graphically see this in his acquisition of 700 wives and 300 porcupines, sorry… concubines. Solomon ignored his own advice to fear the Lord. God had given him understanding of the laws about marrying foreign women.

1 Kings 11:9-10 (NLT)
The Lord was very angry with Solomon, for his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. He had warned Solomon specifically about worshiping other gods, but Solomon did not listen to the Lord's command.

God had warned him that these foreign women would lead his heart astray. Their beliefs in other gods would undermined Solomon’s dedication to serving the Lord. And indeed this happened.

For someone who had been made the offer of a lifetime, the gift of absolutely anything he wanted, he left only a little legacy. His son Rehoboam was a failed king. The massive temple he built was completely destroyed. All Solomon was known for was being the wisest man and having 700 wives and 300 concubines.

Well not quite!

In the darkness of his sin as he worshipped his wives foreign idols and was coming to the end of his life, Solomon penned the Book of Ecclesiastes. At the very end of Ecclesiastes Solomon finally realises that where he started at the beginning of Proverbs was all he really needed.

Ecclesiastes 12:9-14 (NLT)
Because the Teacher was wise, he taught the people everything he knew. He collected proverbs and classified them. Indeed, the Teacher taught the plain truth, and he did so in an interesting way.
A wise teacher's words spur students to action and emphasize important truths. The collected sayings of the wise are like guidance from a shepherd.
But, my child,* be warned: There is no end of opinions ready to be expressed. Studying them can go on forever and become very exhausting!
Here is my final conclusion: Fear God…

So what’s the point???

Maybe it is a lifetime of wisdom is of no use unless we begin with a right relationship with God. Until we realise that God… yes the God of the universe, the one true God… until we know that He loves us and that He has freed us from death… and until we respond to that with orientating our lives in worship to Him… then everything else… our relationships, our wisdom or knowledge… everything… it is just not going to work or is pointless because it does not start from a solid foundation.